Dying To Live
by KlaineSeblaineGeek
Summary: Summary: My name is Blaine Anderson, I'm nineteen years old and I'm going to die. *Trigger warnings* Bullying, self-harm, homophobic remarks, rape. (Probably others, and I'll update the list as the story goes on.)
1. Chapter 1

Fandom: Glee  
Title: Dying To Live  
Summary: My name is Blaine Anderson, I'm nineteen years old and I'm going to die.  
A/N: Cooper is 22, Kurt and Mercedes are 20 and Blaine is 19. Ages subject to change if need be. Story is AU in how Kurt and Blaine meet, in Cooper's age, and other things to come in the future.  
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the idea for this story. The characters and anything you recognize belong to Ryan Murphy, Fox, and whoever else.

*Trigger warnings* Bullying, self-harm, homophobic remarks, rape. (Probably others, and I'll update the list as the story goes on.)

Chapter One:

My name is Blaine Anderson, I'm nineteen years old and I'm going to die. Now, you might think I'm being overdramatic since most teenagers usually are, but really, I'm not. Before I can tell you that story, I need to tell you the events that led up to it.

_*Flashback*_

_Sixteen year old Blaine was used to being alone. His parents were usually off at some fancy party or traveling across the country for work. His brother was always off chasing girls and going to acting classes in hopes that he would become a famous actor and get out of Ohio._

_He had no cousins that lived nearby, as the rest of his family lived in other states. It also didn't help that most of the kids in his neighborhood were older and bigger than he was and saw him as the short, quiet, nerdy kid._

_One afternoon after school, Blaine walked home and sang his favorite song, 'Have You Ever', by Brandy. The song spoke to him, and for something as simple as a love song to speak to someone like Blaine at his age, he knew it was important. _

_He was half way home when it happened. Blaine had stopped by a Mom and Pop store to get some milk and eggs, when he spotted his best friend David Karofsky standing beside the building talking to two other guys._

_"Hey David, wanna come over to my house? We can sing and dance and watch a musical." Blaine said, unable to hide a grin at the sight of his best friend. He was surprised when the other boy quickly walked over and pushed him forcefully against the wall. _

_David glared at him and then spoke. "I'm not going to your house, Blaine. Not today or ever again. You're too much like a girl. The way you dress, the way you talk, the way you act. My friends think you're a homo and I'm starting to think they're right. I can't be friend's with a homo, Blaine."_

_The next thing Blaine knew was pain, because David had slammed a fist into his gut. It didn't stop there. David started kicking him and calling him bad names. Names that Blaine had only ever heard on TV ._

_"You stupid homo! I'm gonna teach you a lesson for being a fag! My Dad said we don't want no queers here in Lima, so I'm gonna make him proud and get rid of one..." _

_That was the start of when Blaine's life became a living hell._

_*End Flashback*_

Looking back, I should've known something worse than getting beat up was going to happen. You know that saying about bad thing's happening in three's? It's true and when it happens, look out. It'll wreck your life.

I've been in therapy for four years and I've been through so much in that amount of time. Getting beat up by David, then getting bashed at my Prom last year, and then.. I'm not sure I want to think about the third thing. All I know is that I'm damaged goods and most of the time it feels like anyone who looks at me can tell.

I sigh and shake my head, getting up from my desk where I'd been writing in my journal. I need coffee and like usual, there wasn't any in the house. Cooper had stopped by an hour ago and had drank three cups of coffee, before bolting out the door again while mumbling about a pilot he was auditioning for.

I close my journal and set down my pen. Then I grab my keys and wallet and head for the door. It's been a long time since I've willingly gone out in public, but there's only so many things you can order online and have sent to your house. And after the disaster that happened last time I tried to get Cooper to get me some coffee from the Lima Bean, I figure it's just better to do it myself.

Even though the thought of standing in line and being so close to another person who isn't part of my family gives me the creeps. I can literally feel my skin start to crawl, the closer I get to the Lima Bean. When I pull up in front of the coffee shop, I turn off my car and sit there for a minute, slowing my breathing and telling myself that I'm just here for coffee and everything will be okay.

After a few minutes, I get out of the car and lock it before going inside the Lima Bean. Once inside, my eyes land on him. His name is Kurt and his smile is beautiful and blinding. His smile alone is almost enough reason for the trip and when he speaks, his voice is like music. "Hello, I'm Kurt and I'll be your waiter. Welcome to the Lima Bean."

But then reality crashes down on me and I can feel the words getting trapped in my throat as I work to speak and give him my order. Thankfully I'm saved when Mercedes Jones, a girl who I've been friends with since second grade, shows up.

"Hey Kurt, hey Blaine. Kurt, Blaine will have a medium drip and I'll have a Frosted Fudge Brownie, thanks." When Kurt walks off to place our order, Mercedes turns back to me. "So, you think he's hot, right?"

I can only stare at Mercedes for several moments before I say, "I.. I.. I don't even know him. How can I think he's cute when I can't even talk to him? And Mercedes, you know I'm in no shape for a relationship. What's going to happen if he finds out about David -"

Mercedes cuts me off. "Forget about that jerk. You've been doing so well in therapy for the last few years, and hey, even your therapist says you should start flirting and dating again. You told her that you didn't want to stop dating forever, so give it a try. Kurt's a nice guy, I've known him for years. If you give it a try and then change your mind, he'll back off."

As soon as Mercedes finishes speaking, Kurt returns with our orders. Unable to say or do anything else in my nervousness, I quickly mumble "Thanks," to Kurt, pay for my coffee and nearly run for the door and back to my car.

Only as I'm sitting in my car 15 minutes later, do I agree that Mercedes is right.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Many thanks to everyone who has read/reviewed/favorited. All of you are appreciated and thanks for your feedback. **Warning: Rape scene ahead. Skip the italicized flashback if you don't wish to read about it.**

Chapter Two:

It's been a few days since my short trip to the Lima Bean. I've been thinking about what Mercedes said. Maybe she's right. Maybe I should put myself out there more. I find the thought terrifying, but I also know that if I ever want a normal life again, then I need to start somewhere. So I will. Even though I'm determined to at least get to know Kurt, I can't stop from flashing back to why it's so hard for me to be around people.

_*Flashback*_

_It was the last day of school and Blaine was once again walking home alone. He had a smile on his face as he carried his notebooks and whistled as he walked. There was something so freeing about finally being finished with high school. All that was left was Graduation and that was in three days._

_He could barely wait to get home and tell Cooper, who was supposed to be waiting at the house so they could go to a baseball game together. Blaine didn't make it past the Mom and Pop store before a shadow loomed over him and he turned to see David standing behind him, a sneer on his face._

_"I can't believe you're up and around after the fun time we had at Prom. Then again, maybe it's a sign. Yeah, I think it is. You liked our time together and want an encore, but the thing is, I don't do encores. Each time I do something, it has to be new and better than the last."_

_The next thing Blaine knew, David had wrapped him in a chokehold and dragged him away from the Mom and Pop store and into an alley. "You see, Blaine. I had so much fun during our time together at Prom, that I want more. I want you, and I'm gonna have you."_

_He was barely aware of David's words as the boy who used to be his best friend, suddenly started to pull at his clothes. Before he could push the bigger boy off of him, he was slammed into the wall and then held there as David unzipped his pants and forced himself inside of Blaine._

_Blaine tried to cry out at the pain, but David slammed his head into the wall to shut him up as he thrusted in and out in quick small thrusts. Blaine fought the urge to black out and even though he kept struggling against David, it was no use, so he tried to block out what was happening._

_It went on for what seemed like forever, but when David finally pulled out and pressed a wet kiss to Blaine's cheek, the younger boy gagged and threw up. After he fixed and zipped his pants, David turned back to Blaine. "That was fun, we should do it again sometime. You know, for a pretty boy, you're not a bad fuck. You just need to be broken in a little more," David said and then walked off._

_Blaine stood there for what seemed like hours but was probably only an hour, before he finally came back to himself and realized he was covered in blood and puke. Panic washed over him and he clumsily pulled his clothes back on and took off for his house._

_He got home and into the shower, and viciously scrubbed at himself as he tried to get the feel of David off of him. The only thing Blaine could think was, 'I can't believe David would do something like that,' and 'Oh my God, he never used a condom.'_

_*End Flashback*_

I'll never forget what David did to me, and though I've been going to therapy and dealing with the bashing and the rape, I still have nightmares about it. It's why I'm not good at being around lots of people anymore and why I haven't even looked at men in a romantic sense in over a year.

The thing is, I like Kurt. He's cute and I want to try and get to know him. If Mercedes says he's a nice guy, I'll take her word for it. I know her well enough to know that she wouldn't try and set me up with a known psycho. The problem is, why would someone as beautiful as Kurt want anything to do with someone as messed up as I am?

I'm not exactly a prize. I have so many issues and things I'm working through, that it might scare him off. I rub my hands over my face and find myself getting into my car once more and making another trip to the Lima Bean. Even though I know I'm messed up, it doesn't keep me from wanting to see Kurt, wanting to get to know him. I just hope he doesn't have a boyfriend.

As I pull into the parking lot of the Lima Bean and then head inside, all I can see is Kurt's smiling face. When I find a table and he approaches me, I can't help but smile back, even if my smile is a little uncertain. Kurt remembers my order and goes to make it, before bringing it over and making small talk for a bit, since the coffee shop is currently empty.

When he starts to move away a few moments later, mumbling something about not wanting to bother me anymore and needing to go stock paper cups behind the counter I say, "Kurt, wait." The look of surprise on his face turns into a smile and he resumes his seat in the chair.

"So, you've decided to talk? I'm glad. Mercedes has told me a lot about you. Personally, I think she's trying to hook us up. And as much as I don't want to, I've got to give her credit. She's got pretty good taste in guy's and-"

I cut Kurt off without meaning to, deciding to stop being a chicken and just ask him out and get it over with. "Kurt, would you like to go out sometime?" The smile on his face widens and I feel a smile of my own stretching my lips as I wait for his reply. Maybe this won't be so bad afterall.


End file.
